On Thought

Have you ever been lost in thought? Of course you have. Sometimes it seems our thoughts have a will of their own, guiding us through logical or illogical sequences of sustained intellect. The subjects may vary: our environment, our children, our wives, our work: but the process is typically the same. For some, they speak inside their heads with long internal monologues. For some, pictures form as a primary medium. For some moving images like video play in their head. For others, their thoughts are not so focused. Inside their heads ideological roller coasters barrel along scattered and broken track, rearing out of control in an epic struggle for reason. At times, this is true for all of us: that our thoughts run rampant on painful roads until our voices screech and tears form in our vision. Then the pain comes, and our hair is pulled out, and our teeth clenched. Out eyes grow red and puffy, and our voices crack. For a moment it seems as though all is lost, and nothing will ever be alright. For hours, or days even our minds run crazy, heading for that inevitable brick wall. Then the collision comes, and inside our heads glass shatters, and tires screech.

Among the wreckage of our fractured minds, clarity sets in. The glass stops in the air, and around us the world is still and forgiving. In these moments of extreme weakness, the real and most important realizations are made. Stress seems to fade, and pain recedes in all facets. Familiar faces resurface, and important and long forgotten truths are returned. Smiling faces surround us, and holding hands couple themselves with ours. In the crisp air, we rejoice for a moment that we are alive. As with everything else, moments pass. Soon our minds race again in any and every direction. Events blur, and our lives run.

Stop. Just for a moment, stop yourself and think not about your life, or your family, or your self, but instead about your thoughts. Let them grow and wane with the tides. Let them breath and beat with our bodies. View them not as the voice inside your head, but rather as a whole, coupled with the rest of the self. Slow your breath, and focus your mind. Let the world around you recede, and clarity from inside your own head. Then, reality returns. If you were to think of thoughts in this way, they may seem surreal, or even relaxing. But are thoughts surreal, or rather chaotic. Inside your head tangled clusters of nerves work unending, ejecting particle after particle. Neurotransmitters race across synapsis at unimaginable speeds just to stimulate the next nerve. In a cluttered mess of webbed thought, our real actions are born. Those words that your hear, speaking inside your head, are misguided transmissions arriving at the ears before the arms. Those images are perceptions of things that don’t exist. Soon, the world around us would leave entirely.

Is it our world around us that shapes our perception, or our perception that shapes the world. Is your green the same mine? In our heads, is that green linked to different things? Do the words even sound the same to you? Is your gravity as strong as mine? Does gravity even exist at all? How reliable are those far reaching synapses  Do they feed you accurate information? What if they stopped? What if suddenly your eyes stopped transmitting? Can you even imagine a life without them? How would you shape your world without the ability to see? Imagine if your ears followed suit, feeding you false information. Soon, everything would fall apart as you recede further and further into your own head. Soon, you would not have a self at all, but instead be a fetus, floating in an imaginary recess inside the depths of your own mind.

-RJ / CriusNyx


Whats that?

A new author has taken over my blog. He has somehow created an account and has given himself permission to write articles. I just want to inform my readers that if you see posts like “Disposable” or “The Tundre, It’s Frozen” those are not my works but rather the works of someone who calls himself “A Collage Geek.”

One moment readers, it seems I have a phone call from a friend of mine. (To phone) Hello. Yes my name is RJ. Whats that, I don’t own the fourth arrow? Oh, well then.

I have just been informed that the fourth arrow is actually not my blog. In fact, I’ve never owned a blog in my life. But thanks to the consent of this blogs rightful owner, “a collage geek” I would be more than happy to post on his behalf. Therefore bloggies (that’s what you call someone who reads a blog, right?) I brought you the previously, misinformed paragraph accusing the blogs correct owner of hacking. My apologies.



What does disposable mean? The dictionary definition I’ve learner is that if something is deposable it can be thrown out once it is used but what isn’t disposable by that definition?
Everything is disposable and the difference is made not by whether it can be thrown away but by when it will be thrown out. Somethings have a useful life of years, a laptop for instance, while others have a usable lifespan of almost 6 minutes after first time use, plastic silverware. Either way these items can be considered disposable but one is a purchase that puts over $200 into play while the other costs scarcely $1. The term disposable also applies to clothing, video games, consoles and even furniture (though that is harder to dispose of) . In the world I was raised cars were not disposable and my dad drove his cars until they were no longer useful in transportation anymore. In a consumer based society it is expected that these things are disposable and people should buy new cars and sell their old ones frequently but why would people do this if there is no guarantee that this car will even be as good as the old car or even be as great as you expect it to be?
My ’92 sonoma is a great truck and gets me to work, school and back home without stuttering but it does break down quite a bit. The problem with keeping my truck is not seen clearly to me since there has been so much money spent to get my truck into the condition that it is in and there is no way to get that money back unless the truck is used and driven to the ground. Yet this truck is, at this point, considered almost as disposable as a plastic fork to some of my friends and family and they justify it by saying words like unreliable and inefficient to make their point of trying to sell it.
I do not want to, nor will I, get rid of my truck yet. The only way to get money out of it is to continue it’s service until it is beyond repair or the repair outweighs the price of the trucks worth. Though my truck is considered disposable so is my dads laptop in my opinion but as he refuses to upgrade I will continue to refuse to get a new car, “if it works, don’t fix it.” This is why I keep my truck, because it has value even if that value is only to me.

Cheaply living…

I regularly shop at the 99 cents only stores and Habitat for Humanity Restore (where I work) but does this save any money or waste it?

During the next week I’m going to go about my every day life and try avoiding the 99 cent store and only shop at grocery stores for food (Target and Walmart count in this case). This experiment is to see if I spend more money on longer lasting food or less money on crap. Dollar stores pull people in by saying that the dollar doesn’t matter because whatever you get there is most likely worth significantly more in the regular stores. This notion is wrong because that dollar did take time to earn and it could be better spent on items of a better quality even though they may be slightly more expensive. This also makes sweets more of a treat, I can easily eat a box of Swiss Rolls but it is $1.79 for a box and is very unhealthy so if I do get a box I need to make it last a few days at least but it should last about a month!

I’m not telling anyone to do like me and just stop going to the dollar  store but try to look for the value while I do the same thing. Pretzels are one thing I get there often and I’ll have to get another brand but I can do it and I hope to better understand what that dollar spent on pretzels is truly worth. Is it better to get a smaller bag for 99 cents or a large bag for $3.29. I’ll tell you what I find after a week.

Dealing with Dell

At one point I seriously considered riping my hard drive out myself thinking that Dell would be annoying to call. However, this was not the case and I actually and I was incredibly impressed with how they handled my first and second call. Most calls I have made to computer and technology companies are located in other countries and I cannot understand them through the thick accent but when I called Dell I was greeted by nice people who had an accent but it was not as bad as experiences with Dells Best Buy line (most horrible relationship ever!) where I could barely hear them and the told me they had to replace the entire computer or have it sent to Dell through Best Buy.

During my 30 minute conversation there are some questions that they did not ask such as, “did you try restarting it?” and I was grateful they knew I had a 1st grade education in electronics (though this is the first thing I would ask if someone called with a software problem who did not know about computers). So, my computer does have a hard drive problem and it was confirmed, 3 times including this one with Dell on the line, by the built-in Diagnostic software. They said that someone will be calling in the next 3 days to schedule a time to meet and get this sucker fixed!

In the meanwhile I am using a live USB drive with CrunchBang installed and having a great time with it. I will try to post some screenshots later but for now it’s just running live I’m going to install it onto a flashdrive tonight hopefully and I’ll get back to you on how that goes.

BTW, is anyone else with a Dell XPS 13 having trouble with their hard drive? leave a comment!

The Tundra, It’s Frozen.

I find that I say silly of unwarranted things when I am tired, the most recent of which was when I walked into my grandmas house saying that  “it’s frozen” after we drove through a blizzard to get there and my mom asked me what is frozen and I state, without pausing for a second, “The Tundra.” She cracked up laughing and I laughed for a minute after I realized I had just said the obvious in an unusual manner. the frozen tundra refers mostly to cold places that are barren and I thought this was appropriate as a joke, how  many people would think it was funny though? I was just stating the obvious the only thing that I did was state it in an odd way. Maybe it’s just me but humor really depends on a number of factors including but not necessarily needing the  following: Alcohol content of viewers blood, history of audience, how tired the audience is, and if you know the person. The last one is really important, if you know a person and they know your dad and you make the same jokes new material, even if you think that it’s new, might have already been taken because you think alike.

The famous (or infamous) “why did the chicken cross the road?” has been used so many times that it no longer seems funny because it has been exhausted and if a stand up comedian told you that joke you would probably throw fruit at him (please don’t comedians are nice people!) but he  has brought up a joke that is know to have been funny at one point and even more your friends jokes might become as boring so it sometimes helps to just try something on the spot, sometimes saying something completely and utterly obvious can be funny.

I’m not a comedian but I think trying something new has worked in other areas, why not here? Have a good New Year!

Annoyance at its Core

I have been annoyed at things that don’t matter or are very small but something like getting classes in college is not small, it is very big,  it’s like planning for the rest of your life! Why is it that when I’m in real life situations like this that makes me want to write about them though? Annoyance is a great motivator for writing and I always have my computer with me to take advantage of that fact. The fact is that when I am annoyed I want to write about it, my words about it are sparing and fleeting as I type my annoyances out of my system and by the end of it there is none left to yell at the person or organization that is being annoying because at the end it really might  not be their fault at all. Most likely it is getting to the end of the day and people are humans and WILL make mistakes eventually.

Life has many mistakes but at least it helps to work them out, even though I can be waiting 30 minutes to straighten it out I will be pleased with the result unless it messes up my schedule. Anytime I can exchange time for annoyance I will do it, being mad, angry, or having steam coming out of your ears while getting something done is not good, just relax, take your time, and try to be patient.

Keep a happy face

My Truck has broke down once again and I looked online for an answer about the problem right after I took it to pepboys and I’m glad I took it in immediately! According to aa1car.com it might be a BIG engine problem that I am especially not geared to deal with and not ready to pay for, meaning this might be the last time I have a big problem with it or still be a nuisance to me for a few more years.

Any time that I have tried to look into a problem I seem to find the most expensive solution online then go in ready for it, this time the oil pressure was down 2 days after getting my oil changed! So it might be an engine problem or they might have put something on loose and it came even more loose after I left and drove it around. Why  do I keep a car that is having problem after problem? Well it might stem from my dads drive it till it dies mentality (which in Michigan meant 10 years at most for general cars) or it might be that I have $500 to fix it but I don’t have
$7000-$10000 to buy a new truck, I’ve seen one with $18,000 listing price and one of the mirrors were broken and he’s constantly working on it! (I know, I am completely overusing exclamation points)  Either way my ’92 Sonoma has over $2000 in labor and parts cost in it and according to bluebook it is worth about $1,800 I really hope that no one crashes into me otherwise I am completely screwed because there is no way I can keep up with the repair bills I’ve been getting and getting a new car because someone totals mine (which happened to my 2002 Ford Escape last year.

I really hope that I will spend less than a newer used car would cost to keep this truck running but I am getting skeptical at this point.

Google: We compete with ourselves

Google is a great and large company that spans many businesses that compete with each other. One notable one that is most interesting is that they bought Motorola and still have the Nexus brand devices made by Samsung. Companies that compete with themselves are few because many companies aren’t large enough, for instance, Microsoft also has competing brands but only in a few areas: Microsoft office and Microsoft Works, both have strong features but Works is always the lower end so they aren’t really competing while Google has ChromeOS, which originally was pegged for tablets, and Android, which originally was only used on phones and very low end tablets. Both ChromeOS and Android are now being used on low end laptops and competing directly and ChromeOS is the better one for Laptop hardware but still Android is getting there as well.

So, why care about a big company competing with itself? I don’t it is just an interesting dynamic that is not used in all business’s but is a good solution to having arguments about who’s product is better if there is a fight about which way to go with an operating system or program. Also, as Microsoft has proved over and over again, it is a way to eliminate ideas constructively, I love Microsoft Encarta but when Bing came it was obsolete and could be disposed of, but instead of just outright getting rid of it they brought out the last edition and integrated it with Bing so it would still be somewhat useful in the age of “search and receive” instead of keeping the type of software that was dying they came out with a happy marriage that ended up Killing off Encarta but it still exists in disk drives in some places like my bedroom if not only for the Calculator program that was bundled with it the last year.  Hopefully Google will stop trying what is apparently not working and just try to integrate ChromeOS’s best features (such as the browser and having a tab button for google Docs) into Android and start merging them more to have one great Operating System instead of 2 competing ones that are good but browsing in Android s sometimes annoying and working offline in ChromeOS is near impossible. Just Merge them it’s doomed to happen even though I love ChromeOS I will not buy a laptop restricted to only work online when I can barely use my schools wifi to write this post.

Elementary OS Luna

I’ve been watching Elementary OS for the past year waiting for Luna and this past week I saw something that got me excited: the stable version of Jupiter has been taken off their website and a post that said farewell to Jupiter. I have been waiting for a while looking forward to a linux based operating system that is comparable with mac in the clean, integrated interface combined with the power that windows and linux operating systems which is why I am waiting patiently to see if they took out the power or if they just added some great features. A simple operating system is great but Mac won’t let me use theirs even if I pay them for it and windows has so many lagging features and high price that they drive me away.

I am currently running ubuntu 12.04 and cannot wait for 12.10 and luna. It will be epic!